kerana diriku begitu kedek

   I remembered the tag line used in an advertisement for this one cosmetic product, "kerana diriku begitu berharga." Catchy, isn't it? I love saying it during my school days. but now, I have to admit that the appropriate tag line that I should use for myself is, "kerana diriku begitu kedek." kedek means, kedekut or what I always call myself, cheapskate. Gosh, I can't really remember how I managed to turn myself into this kind of person. but don't worry, I'm usually like that with myself only. I'm pretty generous with people around me. but please, don't ask me for something I cannot give la. pity me also, k? :P You see, I've been longing for a pair of new plush slippers since the one I've been wearing look really really horrible! really. I bet the homeless have better slippers than I do. and I have this one cute plush in mind. kept on telling about it to Danny each time I came back from shopping. hence, Danny kept on asking me to stop being so cheapo and do myself a justice. but, I kept refusing it saying that, it's okay, mine can still be worn and it's unnecessary. But, what do you know. it is written on my fate after all to get a new pair of plush! yay me!

   on that one fine day, I received a parcel which I never ordered. if it's not me, it must be Danny who had ordered it. I kept on wondering what is the package actually. Danny was very good playing dumb, trying not to spill the beans. nonetheless, my intuition told me it was something from him. the next day, I went to collect the parcel from the royal mail and upon holding the package, I began to smile and never stopped smiling along the way back home. I'm not crazy because, I already knew what's inside the plastic just by holding it! Danke, Mr. Danny! I'm sooo happy because he got me not the plush that I wanted but even better than that! most importantly, they are pink! Love you loads, my hero! this one's for you, "kerana dirimu begitu berharga!"

I feel inspired!

   Yes, I'm inspired! and today, I'm like 2,3 times inspired! not inspired to start any part of my tonnes assignments tho. just feel motivated to do or try some new things. I'm really free despite the fact that I have a lot of assignments and the best part is, I don't even bother to do or even start any teeny weeny bit of my piled -up assignments. *sigh* been spending the whole day, na-ah. in fact, the whole weekend going online. what a surprise. I think Mr. Danny had already given up, trying to push me to start off  with my assignments. don't give up on me, bebeh! LOL

   enough said about assignments. or else, I'm gonna start worrying. let me be worried later, k. huhu.. so, today was spent wisely. I went online the entire day. in fact, I still am now. don't blame me, blame the internet. look internet, how you've spoil me! I browsed this, that, here and there. then I watched a youtube video. I can't really remember how I came across this video. It's a make-up tutorial video. it was AWESOME! I mean, to a plain and dull girl like me, of course I'll say so. I never really like doing make up. not that I hate it, but I just don't know how to. I do have a set of Estee-Lauder make up which my aunt bought for me last year. yet, they still look brand new because I never really use them.  pity them, huh? note that I did use them in certain occasions.but thanks to the videos, by Michelle Phan, I feel like starting using them! on I-don't-know-when day. LOL. the videos she did are all cool, I would say. I first watched a video of her, teaching viewers how to do make up for people who are wearing glasses. It has caught my attention that I then started to look for more of her videos. they are all very interesting and easy for a slow learner like me to follow. Thanks, Michelle Phan!

   When I was still dreaming of myself with make up on*I'm over cloud nine*, then I came across some blogs whic had given me some more inspiration. mind you that I really love reading others' blogs. but I wonder, why others don't really love to read mine. Oh yes, I'm that lame. huhu.. But who cares. I mean, that's not really my initial intention of having a blog, am I? :P so, getting back to the topic. I was inspired just by looking at their pictures. I mean, come on, who wouldn't? I'm a girl, and girls do like to see nice and beautiful things. which in my case, beautiful people.Gosh! they look so beautiful that I just couldn't resist myself from scrolling further down and then forcing Mr. Danny to have a look at them too. but smart Mr. Danny though. How can he say that other girls look better than me, kan? not directly to me at least. huhu.. but what inspired me was, the way they dressed up. or should I say, the way they wore their head scarves. they were mind blowing! the colours, how they present them. Gosh! sometimes, I wish I can try those styles on me. nevertheless, I'm not really sure whether they suit me. but, see la how. I'm the kind of person yang sekejap je rasa nak something, than after a while, I will want other things that I'll forget about the earlier thing that I want. haha.. I think it's a good thing somehow :)

speaking of inspiring, see how I managed to inspire Mr. Danny (by force) to do the colouring :P

and my sister as well :P

   Although I said that I'm the kind of person who easily forgets her initial intention, I never forget that I want to make mama and abah proud, I want Mr. Danny, yadda yadda.. and, definitely I never forget that I want to keep on improving my English! yes! and that brings us to the third inspirational thing for today that had something to do with a blog which belongs to someone I look up to. I admire her so much. She's like a girl with full package and her English is superb! I love reading her blog simply because the language used in the blog. it's just enough to get me thinking, " I wanna be like you.." *blink blink* I really love English but sometimes I just feel like my English sucks and yet, I still wanna be an English teacher . perhaps a lecturer someday. I dunno but one thing for sure, I'll definitely try harder and harder for the sake of improving my English. and hoping that I will be able to inspire other people pulak. like the saying goes, great teachers inspire, great students perspire* wink wink* I made up the last part. but it's true! berpeluh ni nak jadi student cemerlang. but apparently, I'm not one of them. sad huh? :(

again, it turns out to be quite a lengthy entry after all, isn't it?

Dear 'naughty boy'.

adik, me and abang.

  

    It's my second entry for today. this entry is dedicated to my lil' brother, the most cheeky and naughty in the family. and of course, the reason as to why this entry is written is to wish you a "very very happy birthday!". Kak Is and Kak Aimi miss you so much! in fact, we miss everybody at home so much! 

you always wanna wear my pink cloth just to piss me off. pff!

   so, you are 15 this year. how time flies so fast. I don't remember seeing you getting big so fast. Anyhow, wish that the whole family can be with you today to celebrate this special day. heard that you've been very busy now with school and study. I'm happy to know that. I hope you are doing well and wish that it's worth the work and the hardship you go through. don't worry, it will. we'll pray for you.

   since I can't be there or even call you, this is the best thing that I could do. Warmest thoughts I send today for you and hope this will last the whole year through. as each and everyday goes by, I wish that life is always good to you. Remember we love you lots and we want the very best for you. one more thing, know that you’re deep within my thoughts. Happy Birthday, Adik!!

and here goes,

This is a special wish for you,

Although we're miles apart.
Remember dear brother, 

You're always close in my heart.
We may not be together On this very special day.
but I wish all the best for you 

And that it's great in every way.

Muhammad :)

Another wish I have for you Is that, may this life brings Many blessings in your future.

p/s: don't be upset because the best is yet to come ye adik! I promise! :)

fish-based food!

   it has been awhile since I last ate chicken-based food. I was once a person who thought that I could never live without chicken. but now, I'm actually enjoying this fishy-fever. some of the fish in Asda were on roll back and I was like so effing lucky that the sea bass price went down! bought three of those! :)

   with my refrigerator filled with fishy, I just couldn't resist myself from browsing and searching for fishy recipes. they are all mouth watering yaww! I also found the fish soup recipe in which, just by looking at it, I can feel like my saliva is dripping! gosh! I can still remember the taste of the fish soup which I usually eat at Mahani and Johari restaurant! It was fantastic! marvelous! yummie! I thought of trying out the recipe but definitely not today. I'm waiting for my eating partner to be here than only we'll carry on with the experiment!

   as for today, I'll still eat fish but maybe fish curry. mind you, my first experiment as well. my mum is a good-fish-curry cook, but I never care to learn. huhu~ living away from her now, make me realised how stupid I was back then. sorry mama :( so, I supposed it's curry time! bye, peeps! :)

p/s: I'm trying to lose my weight. I think it's impossible, somehow. huhuk :(

it's complicated!

   Me and my heart we've got issues. ever felt that you were never good enough?? the feeling is miserable kan? I keep on ranting, I know. I'm just so complicated, I think. maybe sometimes. I dunno. a friend of me told me that, 'self-doubting' is normal. is it? at one time, I can be very very happy and some other time, I feel so down. it happened. many many times. just like that. out of the blue, then I'm like effing worried and depressed. but I managed not to show my feelings most of the time. because, I know people might think that I just like to make things complicated. am I? 

   well, I think my English is lousy. but if I tell people that, ade ke people who dare to tell me, " Is, your English S.U.C.K.S!" haha.. tell you the truth, I don't even like to read my entries after I've posted them. I think they are all rubbish. one day, I wanna be a 'somebody'. know what I mean? I don't want to be just anybody. Oh, I wish. keep dreaming. i just don't think that I'm ever gonna be good enough. for many reasons. I care to share some. one, because I'm just too lazy. two, because no matter how hard I try, I'll always doubt myself. three, maybe I thought I've gave my best but I haven't actually. four, for more other reasons.

   that's why I hate thinking. I'll end up making things lot more worse and complicated. I'm crazzzyyyyy~

buzz off!

 lots of things are going on my mind at the moment.I need to silent this noise that has been bugging me.so, S.I.L.E.N.T!

it's January-waste-your-money-month!

It's January sale! it has started for quite sometime but I never had the chance to pay the Canterbury town a visit before this. hahaha. actually, I've been avoiding myself from going there. intentionally. or else, orang yang dah sedia miskin ini akan menjadi papa. lols.

you see, I've heard from some of my friends that January sale offers you greater bargain than boxing day. I'm not very sure whether this applies to all items or just some of them. and I'm not sure how far is this true since I've never experienced boxing day. I'm always in Germany that time of the year. It's good though. Saves my money from being drained. 

so, back to the topic. It's just so tempting to see lots of stuff with cheap prices! and it's like really really cheap!

I went to town yesterday, walking and browsing alone. My jaw almost dropped. sale is everywhere! damn those big digits! the sale were up to 70% off! but I managed to prevent myself from buying anything.

I went to Zara, a lot of apparels were on sale. a red down jacket with shocking price reduction caught my eyes, apparently. It looks comfortable and nice. I thought, when will I be able to find a winter jacket with this kind of price again? I took it to the fitting room and snap some pictures of myself wearing it. nice and comfy. I didn't look like a hag. good! then, I went out and put it back where I took it before. I was able to restrain myself from that great temptation. pretty cool, huh? and then I went back home with my subway straight away(seriously rasa macam orang susah yang teringin something but couldn't afford it that time).

I didn't feel any regret somehow until I showed some of the pictures taken in the fitting room to Danny. I told him about the sale and the jacket. After seeing those pictures, he just couldn't believe that I didn't buy the jacket. So, he persuaded me to go to Zara again and get it for myself the next day. he even threaten me not to go back home if I don't buy that jacket the next day. lols Mr. Bf :) I love you so much! (intermission).

and so I went to the town again this afternoon after meeting my mentor. guess what? the jacket was still there but, the price is even lower that before! Good God! I was sooooo happy! happy that Danny persuaded me to buy the jacket. happy that it's even more cheap. happy that I didn't buy it yesterday. So, ape tunggu lagi??  I sebat la the jacket!

goodbye to old jacket?

I'm actually thin. it's the jacket that makes me look fat.

I finally bought the jacket for myself. yay me! It's a shame though. I really wish that Danny was here actually. if he is, rasanya langkah panjang lagi kot. I bet that we'll definitely go to all or most of the shops in the high street. but, since he is not here, I only went to Zara je.

anyhow, apart from the jacket, I also bought myself a belt from Zara. believe it or not, these two items cost  me less than 20 pound altogether! don't you just love sale?  But, one thing I learnt, I shouldn't go to Zara again after this. at least not until the sale is over. I just don't wanna be frustrated if I see the price of  the very same item I just bought, the down jacket in particular, is reduced further.

It's your B.I.R.T.H.D.A.Y, wishes from far

I totally forgot to take pics of your birthday present before I gave it to you, so this is what I manage to get. (Danny opening his card at 12 midnight :p)

   It's 15th January, and I'll tell you what's so special about today. wait for it, wait for it! Oh my, it's your birthday! gosh, time really does fly very very fast, right? you are 24 this year. thank God for that, for bringing this awesome guy into this world.

Smile inside,

Glow outside,

Happiness won’t hide,

Cause God will be your guide.

So forget the past,

Cause the pain won’t last,

Another year is cast,

Enjoy it as you must.

Joy is what I wish for you,
Success in everything you do,
Hope all your dreams come true,
And luck may not leave you.

Be happy on this day,
And may us be together someday,
But on this very special day,
Happy Birthday! Is all wanna say…

 

    I'm not there with you but I'm always praying and wishing for the best for you. I hope you know that you are never forgotten, especially on this very special day. Don't worry about your look or your age, trust me you look the same. a few wrinkles and nothing to shame. really, nothing to be ashamed of and nothing to worry, because we'll all lose our external beauty apparently :p I'm just kidding. You still look freaking awesome! because you are FREAKY LIKE ME, baby! lols~ I'm sorry I can't be there with you but, I will never stop believing that on one fine 15th January, we'll be celebrating this day together and then for more and more years to come! Dearest Danny, have a very Happy Birthday and have a BLAST! best wishes from me to you. one more thing, let life come to you XxX

Hugs and kisses! *wink*

one year older

Achtung! mind you this post is almost already 2 weeks written however I just realised that I haven't post it. silly me, lilly.

Hey, peeps! It's 2011, means we are a year older. lessons learnt, experiences gained. But, more to come and to happen, InsyaAllah. Thank God for the life He has given us, hope that we can be a better servant of His. So, any new year resolutions? I've never done any actually. So, all in all I think maybe I'll start the first one this year. Just hope that I'll change for good, be a better person, a better child to my parents, a better sister to my siblings, try harder, do better in everything I do, don't give up easily. 

sigh. Think I'm not really good at this resolutions thinggy. I mean, I bet I can see a very long list of new year resolutions that my friends can come up with. guess I'll just stick to this and add more and more along the way.

Dear you

Dear you,

   I'm writing not because I envy you. not even a teeny weeny bit of that unpleasant feeling. really. I'm writing because I'm just so sick, tired and annoyed. why does it always has to be about you? do you really think that the world revolves just around you? you are not that superior person you think you are. you are not. look around. there are many other people out there who are just as special as you are or just even better than you. can't you see that? can't you admit that? can't you accept that?

   Could you learn to listen to others? good enough if you can at least pretend to, I guess. could you stop hurting others' feelings? could you at least try to understand that people have hearts? they have feelings. their voice counts. you might wanna listen to others' opinions and perhaps think and realise, "that's brilliant!", "s/ he's good!", or maybe, "s/ he's true and I'm wrong!". know that it's good to be able to speak up for yourself but, maybe you should mind the occasion as well. you come from a good background, you should now better.

Dear you,

   we are all humans. we are all equal. each one of us has different talent, gift. you have yours, others have theirs and I might have mine. everybody deserves to be respected. how can you demand respect when you didn't give it to others? you, yourself know that your patience have limit. ergo, you might as well wanna think that others have got theirs as well.

   you won't get respect from bragging, if I may say so and telling this and that about yourself. maybe you are what you've been telling people around you. if you really are, you don't need to tell people about it because,  incidentally, one very fine day, they will see it and realise it themselves.

   I know that I'm not perfect. but who is? I want to change for better. wouldn't you wanna do the same? stop judging people, will you? and stop talking back. you won't lose anything for being humble. you really won't. in fact, the worst can happen is that you may actually spare yourself from humiliation and shame.

   again, I know that I'm no angel nor a saint. for I'm a human and I've sinned. I'm writing this to remind myself as well. I don't say that I'm better than you but, that doesn't mean that you are better than me or anyone else. but, it would be good if you could come to your conscience and say it to yourself, "for who I am, that does not mean I'm better than anyone else."

p/s: self-adoring or self-admiring might be good from certain angles and aspects. but please, not too much.

Thank you Allah

   11th January 2011, one of the happiest days of my life. Thank you Allah, is all that I can say. So very happy. Ya Allah, I'm really thankful for the rezeki and everything You give to my family and Danny. Alhamdulillah. semoga rezeki kita sentiasa murah, amin..

   OMG! I'm still not over it! not it actually, them! I'm still not over them! Thanks for what You've given abah. Thanks for Eijum's job offer. Thanks for what you've given Danny and the opportunity too. and also thanks for giving us happiness and blessing, for the life and also for everything we have now. Thank you Allah, so much! 

   I'm praying that rezeki kami akan berpanjangan and may Allah help Danny through his next job interview and hopefully he'll get it with God's will, InsyaAllah.

   sometimes we just don't understand why we didn't get what we want or why the grass is always greener on the other side. this happened. the other day, we were questioning about this too. But we didn't see, its actually a blessing in disguise. we just need to be more patience and yes, minta pada Dia. He knows best.

Kadang2 Tuhan sembunyikan matahari, DIA datangkan petir dan kilat, kita menangis dan tertanya2 ke mana hilangnya matahari, rupa2 Tuhan hendak memberi kita PELANGI. Allah itu adil, Allah itu maha penyayang.